READ THESE PAGES FOR HELP AND SUPPORT

It is very hard to admit that our Mum or Dad drink too much, not only to ourselves but to anyone else.

The fear of what others think or say, whether we will be taken in to care, cause trouble, or worse, that no one will believe you, all add to the loneliness and isolation of feeling trapped in a world that no one else could understand.

WHAT'S IT LIKE FOR YOU?

• Do you feel sad and lonely a lot of the time but pretend to everyone else that things at home are fine?

• Do you avoid bringing your friend's home in case they see your Mum or Dad drunk?

•Do you worry a lot of the time about things at home instead of listening in class or having fun?

• Do you sometimes do things that get you into trouble through frustration or just to get attention?

• Do you sometimes miss school, because you are too worried about your mum or dad to concentrate on your studies?

• Do you try extra hard to excel in your school work and in helping round the house so as not to make your parent worry and turn to drink?

FEELINGS - Growing up in a family with an alcohol problem is tough isn't it? We have so many emotions racing around that sometimes it can feel as if we'll explode. But it is ok to have the feelings and thoughts you are having. Do any of these sound familiar or can you add some more?

ANGER -  Why does Mum or Dad do those things? Why do they have to get drunk? It's ok to feel angry. Angry with your parents, angry with yourself because you feel you could do something but can't seem to get it right. Sometimes the anger spills out and we do things that get us in to trouble like bullying, getting drunk ourselves, vandalism.

RESENTMENT - Why can't my family be like everyone else's? The feeling of 'why me?!' Resentment must be a close relation to anger – they seem to arrive together!! True, not everyone's family is like yours but you would be surprised what goes on in other families too. The feeling of why me?

FRUSTRATION - What can I do to stop this? Nothing I’ve done has worked; there must be something. If only there was a magic wand that could make things right, but sadly, there isn't. I know this is one of the hardest things to hear but there is nothing you can do to stop your Mum or Dad's drinking – just like you didn't cause it. No amount of pouring drink away or being good or helping around the house will stop it – but there are things you can do that can help you and your family cope and get help. – See do's and don'ts below.

ANXIETY/WORRY - One of the greatest worries of having a parent with a drink problem is people finding out. We spend a lot of time worrying about other people, worrying about if they find out. Worrying if you're going to find Mum or Dad drunk unconscious on the kitchen floor when you get home from school. When you have a Mum or Dad that has a drink problem, worrying seems to take up much of the day and night. However, sometimes worrying can get out of hand and cause you health problems – but how can you stop worrying? – See do's and don'ts.

LONELINESS - I can't talk to anyone about this, they wouldn't understand or I must keep this secret in case anyone finds out. The fear of anyone finding out what has been going on keeps us locked in a world that we feel no one could possibly understand. Worse still, all these feelings we've been discussing here, are all trapped inside that we haven't got any room to have friends, have fun or learn to be who we are.

WHAT CAN YOU DO

The hardest things to do are probably what you are doing now. Pretending life's normal, pretending you're ok and pretending that you can cope. This takes a lot of time, energy and effort and wears you out. Below is a list of Do's and

DO - Try and talk about it. When you are isolated you have no one to ask if your feelings are normal. Is the behaviour you are seeing normal, are you going mad? There are people out there who you CAN talk to. People who KNOW what it can be like. Even if it's just questions you need answering that ;t covered on this website. They're not going to tell anyone you called, you don't even have to see them if you don't want ; you can  contact us. When we set up this site, it was with the knowledge that we know how difficult it is to say out loud what you're feeling, what it's like at home, so you can email us anytime. You will always get an answer.

DO - Try and get out with your friends, play sports, maybe join a club or get a hobby.

DO - Write things down. If you find it's too difficult to talk to someone just yet, write your thoughts down in a diary, you'd be surprised how much weight lifts off your mind.

DO - Stay Safe. Avoid getting in the middle of any rows. If you are in danger get out or phone the police.

DO - Find out as much as you can about alcohol. This will help you understand why your parent behaves the way they do when they've been drinking.

DON'T - Hide or pour drink away. If you've already tried it you'll already know it doesn't make any difference.

DON'T -  Get in the car if the driver is intoxicated. There;s no law in the world that would make you.

DON'T -  Start drinking or taking drugs to help you cope because they won't. You'll wind up with more problems than you started with.

DON'T - Blame yourself - ever! You didn't cause the drink problem.
Cover up or make excuses for the drinker.

These are only a small number of tips to help. There is a list of other contact numbers on our links page which you may find useful.
If you feel you want to talk or want information or just ask a question please contact us


 

| Home Page | Aims of AAS 12-21 | Mum & Dad drinking | Fundraising | Contact Us |
AAS Web Site | Parents |
Web design by Studio Italia